A long time ago (beginning of January) in a galaxy far, far away.........in a place called my In-Laws House, my wonderful, kind, sweet, could-not-ask-for-a-better-one Mother-in-law, K, asked how my baby registry was going.
Insert theme from Psycho here
Baby registry? As in baby STUFF?!? As in, OHEMGEE IM GONNA BE A MOMMY AND ALL I HAVE RIGHT NOW ARE SIX PAIRS OF BABY SOCKS AND A STAR TREK BABY SPOON!!!!!! This led to me furiously reading countless blogs to try and figure out what, out of the myriad of baby things, I needed for Baby R. And then I pretty much panicked and went into denial.
Oh a registry? Yes, I suppose that is a good thing....and I'll get around to it..................sometime before June. I hope.
Fast forward to mid February, me getting horribly throwyuppy sick, staying home and flat on my back for nearly 48 hours and getting cabin fever. J suggested we at least go out to get one of those big fluffy body pillows (best invention since the mattress) and, since we were out, let's at least look at some baby stuff. So we went to this store called Buy Buy Baby, which is essentially Bed, Bath, & Beyond, for babies. The store is laid out exactly the same. Some of the items are the same. It was weird and strange and wonderful all at once. But because it was not located all that centrally or conveniently to, like, anybody, we didn't register there. But we did look. And, me oh my, is there a lot of baby crap. Oy vey!
Since then, I have been cobbling together two registries at Tarjhay and BabiesRThem, trying to stick to the bare necessities. Washcloths, stroller, car seat, baby towels, changing pad, thermometer, grooming kit, thinking everything else I can thrift or borrow and good grief, new stuff is expensive! And the last thing that I want is to create this big huge list of expensive stuff for a little baby who will use it for a maximum of a year when I can buy gently used items for a tenth of the cost.
And then J got a call from his mum: You don't have enough stuff on the registry.
What do you say to that? I'm sorry, but I don't need your generosity because I'm a self sufficient proud woman who can make due with what she's got? Or, the slightly more humble version: Oh, but we don't want to be a burden on anyone. Or, I don't want to take advantage of the generosity of my friends and family members by expecting to receive anything. All of which are truly what ran through my head and what I have been wrestling with the last two days.
The problem with registries is that it can easily turn me into a greedy gimme pig. And I don't want to be. I want to be grateful for and content with what I have. I want people to have the freedom to not buy the baby anything, or buy things that don't come from a predetermined list.
After much angst, J took me aside and said something to the affect of: Creating a registry doesn't mean you're forcing anyone to purchase anything from it and many people find registries helpful. He also reminded me that this is how his family blesses others and that we don't have to register for super expensive things and that yes we will be grateful for what we receive and not expect to receive anything.
I was caught in a place between my pride and others generosity. I wanted to provide for my baby myself, and only rely on others for a few things. And rather than letting me have my own way only to realize, struggling, how much help I actually need, God gently taught me this by blessing me with abundance, with generous hearts of those around me. For "What do you have that you have not received?" (1 Corinthians 4:7) Nothing. Everything is a gift, a perfectly ordained gift from the hand of my Lavish Father.
And I am so grateful.
I am grateful for how God exposed my sin of self sufficiency and for how He taught me thankfulness.
Today, I am thankful for:
My Baby, kicking up a storm
My blood parents and my love parents, for their giving hearts
My husband, for how he gently leads me
My God, who always knows and always acts for my good.
Oh, how He loves me, oh, oh, how He loves me, how He loves me, oh.