I sit outside on the patio
That is too small for three chairs
And contemplate the pot of ivy that I sort of nursed through the winter.
His name is Frederick.
And he brings his own seating arrangements,
Which is good
Because the patio is too small
For me and and he and J
To sit and enjoy the mild evening.
Frederick,I thought, died sometime between Christmas and New Years
When I forgot to water him
For months
On end.
But he survived, a resilient bit of ivy.
And his new green growth graces the patio that is
Too small for three chairs.
Monday, May 16, 2011
My sketches, house plans, laundry, dryer, dishes and me
There are days when you get a lot of things done. And there are days when you get nothing done. And ther are days when you start lots of things and get none of them done.
Today was the last.
I started sketching and there is now a pile of pencils paper scissors and tape all over the coffee table and couch. I started planning out where I want things in my new house to go this resulted in more pencils and paper and scissors and tape on the coffee table and couch. I started to do dishes and was interrupted by the guy who came to install our new dryer. So ow half the dishes are clean and dry and the other half are filled with soap and crumbs. I got one basket of laundry folded and another one started and another one sorted (read strewn about the bedroom).
And then I felt dizzy, like abouttothrowupstoptherideiwannagetoff dizzy. So everything stopped while I got a BIG glass of water and sat outside on the little cement block that constitutes a patio on our teenineee apartment that we will soon move out of (praise the Lord) and wrote this little blog about all the things I started to do and didn't. Maybe J will help when he gets home from work......
Today was the last.
I started sketching and there is now a pile of pencils paper scissors and tape all over the coffee table and couch. I started planning out where I want things in my new house to go this resulted in more pencils and paper and scissors and tape on the coffee table and couch. I started to do dishes and was interrupted by the guy who came to install our new dryer. So ow half the dishes are clean and dry and the other half are filled with soap and crumbs. I got one basket of laundry folded and another one started and another one sorted (read strewn about the bedroom).
And then I felt dizzy, like abouttothrowupstoptherideiwannagetoff dizzy. So everything stopped while I got a BIG glass of water and sat outside on the little cement block that constitutes a patio on our teenineee apartment that we will soon move out of (praise the Lord) and wrote this little blog about all the things I started to do and didn't. Maybe J will help when he gets home from work......
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Morning Hymn
I love you, Lord
And I lift my voice
To worship You,
Oh my soul, Rejoice!
Take joy, My King
In what You hear
May it be a sweet, sweet sound
In Your ear.
I love You Lord
And I stand amazed
My sins are gone!
Let Your name be praised
Look up, my soul,
And behold His face.
I will ever sing, oh My King,
Of Your grace!
(c) Laurie Klein, 2nd V (c) John Piper
And I lift my voice
To worship You,
Oh my soul, Rejoice!
Take joy, My King
In what You hear
May it be a sweet, sweet sound
In Your ear.
I love You Lord
And I stand amazed
My sins are gone!
Let Your name be praised
Look up, my soul,
And behold His face.
I will ever sing, oh My King,
Of Your grace!
(c) Laurie Klein, 2nd V (c) John Piper
Friday, May 13, 2011
I Have Decided...
...that this blog is too... not me. I am not just lists of things to do or goals or plays or prayers. I am all those things with a lot of politics, education, math, art, cooking and randomness thrown in too.
So today we have a random blog:
1)This is cool
And I want to remember it so I shall place it here.
2) J and I are currently renting, house sitting, and buying a house. I think of it as though we are livin in three places at once. Is this not a good metaphor for life? We live somewhere between what we were once familiar with, what we are currently experiencing and what we hope to one day achieve.
Pastor Phil: "The angels beckon me from heaven's open door and I'm just not at home in this world anymore.
3)the cat we are house sitting hates me. The end
So today we have a random blog:
1)This is cool
And I want to remember it so I shall place it here.
2) J and I are currently renting, house sitting, and buying a house. I think of it as though we are livin in three places at once. Is this not a good metaphor for life? We live somewhere between what we were once familiar with, what we are currently experiencing and what we hope to one day achieve.
Pastor Phil: "The angels beckon me from heaven's open door and I'm just not at home in this world anymore.
3)the cat we are house sitting hates me. The end
Thursday, May 5, 2011
If you give a girl a goal...
The problem with afternoons with no appointments is that I just want to sit around and do nothing. So I caught up on news, The Book of Face, blogs, clicked around on several decorating sights, and am trying to ignore the BIG HUGE GINORMOUS pile of dishes in the sink that need washing and the Wii Fit on the floor that needs exercising and the basket of laundry that needs folding.
*sigh*
Sometimes, I really don't want to do anything.
Now seems to be one of those times.
BUT, if I go to SparkPeople, then I will exercise. If I exercise, I will wash my hair. If I wash my hair, then I will do dishes while it dries. If I do dishes, my feet will hurt and I will want to sit down. If I sit down, I will fold laundry. (I think someone should write a "If you give a Moose a Muffin" style book for grownups.) All it takes is to go over to SparkPeople... okay...here I go. (Wish me luck)
*sigh*
Sometimes, I really don't want to do anything.
Now seems to be one of those times.
BUT, if I go to SparkPeople, then I will exercise. If I exercise, I will wash my hair. If I wash my hair, then I will do dishes while it dries. If I do dishes, my feet will hurt and I will want to sit down. If I sit down, I will fold laundry. (I think someone should write a "If you give a Moose a Muffin" style book for grownups.) All it takes is to go over to SparkPeople... okay...here I go. (Wish me luck)
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
"You are not your own. You have been bought with a price. So glorify God with your body."
Powerful words. And, while Paul is speaking about succumbing to sexual immorality and sexual sin, I find this verse applicable to a different idol in my life: food.
Oh, food, how much I love thee, let me count the ways.....
Unfortunately, counting the ways that I love food conveniently leaves out counting the calories. ><
Food is a good thing, a gift of God that was given before the Fall of Man and will exist into eternity. But like all good things, the problem of sin is that I want to twist that good thing into a bad thing. I either run to food as a source of comfort and security or I use not eating as an excuse for sin (cf. last night) or I just eat because I feel like eating and don't want to discipline my body for righteousness. So 1 Cor 6:19-20 is today's verse. Glorify God with your body.
In light of that, I am using the website SparkPeople to help me try and begin disciplining my body and my love of food. Now, granted, I am not perfect at this and that pan of double chocolate brownies in the kitchen will probably break down my will to diet soon enough. But I am trying to learn discipline. And if that means today I only eat one brownie instead of three, then today is a success based in God's strength.
I remember Eric Simmons giving a great example at New Attitude one year. He had this huge box of fresh Krispie Kream donuts sitting on the podium and proceeded to talk about how donuts for him had been an idol. It was not the object in and of itself, he said, that was evil or idolatrous. It was the fact that he wanted this little piece of dough TOO MUCH! And it took much prayer and accountability and grace to get him to the point where he could eat that donut and Glorify God for it. That is where I want to end up.
This is not dieting for the sake of losing weight. This is trying to use the medium of SparkPeople as a means to keep myself in check. And, with God's grace, I will do just that.
Powerful words. And, while Paul is speaking about succumbing to sexual immorality and sexual sin, I find this verse applicable to a different idol in my life: food.
Oh, food, how much I love thee, let me count the ways.....
Unfortunately, counting the ways that I love food conveniently leaves out counting the calories. ><
Food is a good thing, a gift of God that was given before the Fall of Man and will exist into eternity. But like all good things, the problem of sin is that I want to twist that good thing into a bad thing. I either run to food as a source of comfort and security or I use not eating as an excuse for sin (cf. last night) or I just eat because I feel like eating and don't want to discipline my body for righteousness. So 1 Cor 6:19-20 is today's verse. Glorify God with your body.
In light of that, I am using the website SparkPeople to help me try and begin disciplining my body and my love of food. Now, granted, I am not perfect at this and that pan of double chocolate brownies in the kitchen will probably break down my will to diet soon enough. But I am trying to learn discipline. And if that means today I only eat one brownie instead of three, then today is a success based in God's strength.
I remember Eric Simmons giving a great example at New Attitude one year. He had this huge box of fresh Krispie Kream donuts sitting on the podium and proceeded to talk about how donuts for him had been an idol. It was not the object in and of itself, he said, that was evil or idolatrous. It was the fact that he wanted this little piece of dough TOO MUCH! And it took much prayer and accountability and grace to get him to the point where he could eat that donut and Glorify God for it. That is where I want to end up.
This is not dieting for the sake of losing weight. This is trying to use the medium of SparkPeople as a means to keep myself in check. And, with God's grace, I will do just that.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
See How Great the Father's Love
My sister's play was this weekend. Her theater troupe, CYT, just performed Phantom of the Opera but not the Andrew Lloyd Webber version. No, their's was a version twisted by their fabulous director to present an allegory of the Church, sinners, saints, desires, faith, trust, Jesus and Satan, and all that lies in between.
I love this play, it is one of my favorites by far (though I say that about every CYT play) because of all the various characters that I can identify with. Three brief examples:
1) Madame Soreli--the dance instructor. She is being pursued by the the powerful and fabulously wealthy Comte de Chagny and cannot comprehend why this man would be interested in an older peasant with a murky past. Throughout the play they meet, he woos, she pushes away and excuses her disbelief with variations on the theme of "Why do you love me? What do I have to offer you?" He replies with "I love you because I love you" and does not give up lightly. Here I see my own sin, my repetitive falling and turning away from God and allowing my faith in His unwavering Love to shake. I have known my Lord for nearly twenty years now and still I am amazed by why He could ever love me. And He always replies with "I love you because I love you."
2) Madame Giery--the house manager. This is a woman scarred by unrequited love. All through the play she hints that she once gave her heart to a man who scorned her and we later learn that it is the Phantom who has hurt her so. She sees the love that Chagny has for Soreli and she longs for it, but she goes searching for it in all the wrong places. Rather than look for a new love, she goes back to the Phantom again and again, believing his lies that he will give her satisfaction and in the end, he murders her. In Giery, I see the lure of sin. I think that it will promise so much, like a big fancy present under the tree on Christmas morning. But the more I pursue it, the more I realize that it is all so much tinsel and ribbon and there is nothing of substance that can satisfy my soul. Giery stands as a warning to me that all the broken cisterns I keep carving will end up killing me and all the promises of sin that Satan tempts me with are nothing but phantoms themselves. They do not hold, they do not satisfy, and it is folly to keep pursuing that which burns me. I do want love and the satisfaction of my soul, but it is not found in the sinful desires of the flesh. It is found in the love and excellence and worth of God.
3) Christine Daae--the rising star. Christine is the main character, a young dancer who is vaulted into the position of Prima Donna. She is pursued both by the Phantom and by Roul, a child-hood friend and the future Comte de Chagny. The Phantom offers her attention, fame, fortune, music, the praise of mankind, and a life of ease, "all she's ever wanted". Roul offers only his love and his presence. For much of the play these two men woo Christine and she wavers back and forth between them. She wants Roul but she also wants what the Phantom offers and she clings to the vestiges of the Phantom's promises, even as she recognizes him for the evil monster that he is. The end shows Christine recognizing that being with Roul is worth giving up everything. This is the daily struggle of my life. Who do I believe? Do I choose the lies of the Deceiver, that my will and my desires and my flesh and my self are supreme and will bring me happiness? Or can I relinquish everything that I seem to "have" that may, for a moment, make me happy and fulfilled to receive and experience the presence and the power of the ONE who really truly satisfies?
It all comes down to belief and promises. God promises one thing. Sin promises another. What makes it difficult for me, personally, is that sin offers instant gratification where God's promises are often long term. But sin's promises come with the condition of long term suffering and God offers a "light and momentary affliction" followed by an "eternal weight of glory". Who do I believe?
Nominally, God, but in the day to day living, I choose to believe my own sinful selfish heart and run after instant gratification rather than holding out for something better. That is why the exhortation I gave today is more relevant to me than anyone else.
The LORD your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness;
He will quiet you by his love;
He will exult over you with loud singing.
I read this and think, God how could you love such a sinner who keeps exchanging your truth for lies, who hews out broken cisterns and forsakes the fountain of living water, who keeps calling you and your promises lies and tramples on your glory? How can you say you exult over me? How is this possible?
And he answers with this:
I love this play, it is one of my favorites by far (though I say that about every CYT play) because of all the various characters that I can identify with. Three brief examples:
1) Madame Soreli--the dance instructor. She is being pursued by the the powerful and fabulously wealthy Comte de Chagny and cannot comprehend why this man would be interested in an older peasant with a murky past. Throughout the play they meet, he woos, she pushes away and excuses her disbelief with variations on the theme of "Why do you love me? What do I have to offer you?" He replies with "I love you because I love you" and does not give up lightly. Here I see my own sin, my repetitive falling and turning away from God and allowing my faith in His unwavering Love to shake. I have known my Lord for nearly twenty years now and still I am amazed by why He could ever love me. And He always replies with "I love you because I love you."
2) Madame Giery--the house manager. This is a woman scarred by unrequited love. All through the play she hints that she once gave her heart to a man who scorned her and we later learn that it is the Phantom who has hurt her so. She sees the love that Chagny has for Soreli and she longs for it, but she goes searching for it in all the wrong places. Rather than look for a new love, she goes back to the Phantom again and again, believing his lies that he will give her satisfaction and in the end, he murders her. In Giery, I see the lure of sin. I think that it will promise so much, like a big fancy present under the tree on Christmas morning. But the more I pursue it, the more I realize that it is all so much tinsel and ribbon and there is nothing of substance that can satisfy my soul. Giery stands as a warning to me that all the broken cisterns I keep carving will end up killing me and all the promises of sin that Satan tempts me with are nothing but phantoms themselves. They do not hold, they do not satisfy, and it is folly to keep pursuing that which burns me. I do want love and the satisfaction of my soul, but it is not found in the sinful desires of the flesh. It is found in the love and excellence and worth of God.
3) Christine Daae--the rising star. Christine is the main character, a young dancer who is vaulted into the position of Prima Donna. She is pursued both by the Phantom and by Roul, a child-hood friend and the future Comte de Chagny. The Phantom offers her attention, fame, fortune, music, the praise of mankind, and a life of ease, "all she's ever wanted". Roul offers only his love and his presence. For much of the play these two men woo Christine and she wavers back and forth between them. She wants Roul but she also wants what the Phantom offers and she clings to the vestiges of the Phantom's promises, even as she recognizes him for the evil monster that he is. The end shows Christine recognizing that being with Roul is worth giving up everything. This is the daily struggle of my life. Who do I believe? Do I choose the lies of the Deceiver, that my will and my desires and my flesh and my self are supreme and will bring me happiness? Or can I relinquish everything that I seem to "have" that may, for a moment, make me happy and fulfilled to receive and experience the presence and the power of the ONE who really truly satisfies?
It all comes down to belief and promises. God promises one thing. Sin promises another. What makes it difficult for me, personally, is that sin offers instant gratification where God's promises are often long term. But sin's promises come with the condition of long term suffering and God offers a "light and momentary affliction" followed by an "eternal weight of glory". Who do I believe?
Nominally, God, but in the day to day living, I choose to believe my own sinful selfish heart and run after instant gratification rather than holding out for something better. That is why the exhortation I gave today is more relevant to me than anyone else.
The LORD your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness;
He will quiet you by his love;
He will exult over you with loud singing.
I read this and think, God how could you love such a sinner who keeps exchanging your truth for lies, who hews out broken cisterns and forsakes the fountain of living water, who keeps calling you and your promises lies and tramples on your glory? How can you say you exult over me? How is this possible?
And he answers with this:
"I love you because I love you.
You cannot escape my love.
You cannot break my love.
You cannot earn your way into my love
And you cannot sin your way out of my love.
You are mine, child, and I love you."
You cannot escape my love.
You cannot break my love.
You cannot earn your way into my love
And you cannot sin your way out of my love.
You are mine, child, and I love you."
And I stand amazed.
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